Cut to the Quick
Cut to the Quick was prepared in March of 2001 to be presented as a Sacrament Meeting talk as part of Mary's and my report on our service mission to intercity Ogden. If the message was appropriate at that time, it certainly is appropriate in the troubled world of today. Getting ones house in order must be on every thinking persons mind these days with Satan reigning with blood and horror throughout the world. Listening to our conscience and acting upon that guidance through repentance should be the number one priority in each of our lives. It is my prayer that reading and pondering, Cut to the Quick, will help each of us in our quest to put our house in order.
This story is entitled Cut to the Quick where I define cut the quick as the experience of suffering a severe guilt trip, one that cuts right to the core. This form of guilt is extremely painful but good. All guilt is good if it motivates us to change our ways for the better. Guilt is a result of a conscience that is both active and sensitive, not one callused by the wear and tear of indifference. Our consciences are a gift from God and we call this gift the Light of Christ. If this gift is from God it must be good. But, what value is the Light of Christ if we ignore its prompting or our conscience is so callused by neglect that we neither feel nor hear those promptings.
We are here in mortality to make choices. Unfortunately, most of the time the easier choice is the wrong choice. The wrong choices we make seem to pile up until finally we are ripe for a severe guilt trip. If our conscience is not too callused by rationalizing our wrong choices, then we will experience severe guilt. The key to a successful guilt trip is to make the right choice no matter how painful. A wrong choice is to be offended by the guilt. Incidentally, if I put you on a guilt trip today, that's good. However, if I offend you or you don't feel any guilt, that's not so good, because that suggests that you may have a more serious problem that you need to resolve even before you tackle the problem that caused you to be offended.
I was first cut to the quick and subsequently learned of God's love about 19 years ago. The condition of my heart at that time was such that I literally disliked everyone including myself. (No charity there-I felt like an antichrist). Guilt ran deep and I needed help. Fortunately, there was a small seed of hope within the murky waters of my soul. I prayed with commitment for the first time in my life. After just a few days of regular prayer seeking for forgiveness and guidance, something very special happened. Peace came to my mind and for the first time in my mortal experience I recognized that the Holy Ghost was active in my life. A blessing I don't care to lose. Why you say? Because in spite of major progress, I still have a very long way to go to claim behavior that even approaches Christ like behavior and I need all the help I can muster. I need the Holy Ghost!
My second experience at being cut to the quick occurred a little over a decade ago while watching General Conference. I was setting smugly in the chapel watching the big screen, naively pleased with my good service and righteous behavior when the Prophet began his discourse on Pride. As he described the characteristics of pridefulness I became more and more self-conscience. I was sure everyone could see my flushed face and the beads of sweat on my forehead even though it was quiet dark in the chapel. I felt like all the evil in my heart had been exposed to the world. The guilt was horrendous. It became obvious that the only things important in my life were me, myself and I. (I'm humble, right, if it's in my self-interest). What a shock. I was in a mell of a hess. (Incidentally, my wife said I couldn't use profanity in church so I'm using camouflage). Before this shocking revelation, I thought I was on cloud nine cruising to the Celestial Kingdom. After this wake up call, I realized just how difficult it was to attain Christlike behavior. I also realized what Isaiah was warning us about when he said, "Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for the Lord hath spoken, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me. The ox knoweth his owner, and the his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider. Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, ..., they have forsaken the Lord, ..., they are gone away backward." We are told to liken what Isaiah says unto ourselves. Thus, when Isaiah refers to Israel he is referring to us. Have we turned our backs on the Savior? In another scripture God said, "They who are not for me are against me". Do these scriptures mean that there is no gray area for righteous living? Ouch!
Unfortunately, I remain a slow learner. It was a service mission that my wife Mary and I served recently that brought about my third experience with being cut to the quick. This experience of severe guilt was subtler and at the same time more painful. (Sort of like sticking the knife in and twisting it as the cut was slowly completed). Ego, self-centeredness, pride and whatever are difficult traits to shed. One spends a lifetime building a facade of prideful ness and it takes a lot of crow to peck away the latticework and remove the barriers to true humbleness.
I believe that man by nature is evil, that righteousness and wickedness are more an indication of direction rather than a human condition. (Christ was righteous, He approached life with a contrite spirit and a broken heart, but the rest of us, even including the pious amongst us, are struggling). Life is a slippery slope when our direction is down because we tend to ignore our conscience until we become insensitive to its warnings. This leads to a loss of integrity and to hypocrisy. On the other hand, life is a tremendous struggle when we are on the rise. The gospel plan is simple, living it fully is another matter. Nevertheless, life is good. The cup is truly half full.
It is a sad thing to say, but all of us have warts, even those of us that don't realize or choose to ignore that fact. Some of us hide our warts much better than others. On the one hand hiding seems ok, but on the other hand hiding warts is in itself a wrong choice. Instead of self-deception (a favorite activity for most of us), let the guilt flow, and correct the problem. (We need to destroy those warts using the Refiner's fire). God waits at the door, we have simply to knock. Christlike behavior is a lifelong goal. Charity and faith are the greatest of God's gifts to man, but they are not genetic gifts. They are earned in the trenches of selfless service. Christ answered the following question. "What manner of men and women ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am." Christ's mortal life was devoted to service.
Service is an interesting concept. It has many faces. On the one hand, service can be selfishly given to reap the glory of position, to receive praise of others, or to provide an opportunity to pat oneself on the back. Service can be a duty and provided grudgingly or to satisfy a statistic. On the other hand, the useful faces of service are those that involve the joy of service, which means service that requires a significant sacrifice without any hope for praise. Think about that, no pats on the back and no patting oneself on the back. Ouch! Doing good acts of service because it's the right thing to do. (Not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing). Another useful face of service is not being a respecter of persons. It's ok and in fact it's an obligation to do good for family and friends and it may be ok or at least prudent to brown nose the so called prominent people, but it is 10 or 100 or probably 1000 times better to do good for a "stranger" or a person you may not ordinarily care that much about. (I'm sure we are all touched emotionally by the story of The Good Samaritan but how often or do we ever emulate the Samaritan. Isn't it far easier to look the other way as we journey through life?) Christ is the physician. Should we be anything less?
Brace yourselves Brothers and Sisters, remove your self-deceptions and focus on your favorite sins. Now is the time for us to let the guilt flow. You that are contemplating divorce, what's your problem? Are you selfish or what?. You that struggle with home teaching or visiting teaching be it the teacher of the one being taught. What's your problem? Do you love your neighbor or just yourself? You who are so busy that you just don't have time. What's your problem? There is plenty of time for serving self, family and friends, but no time for the poor and the lonely; those who really need your time. You, who through flattery or intimidation take advantage of others. What's your problem? Do you love your neighbor or just use your neighbor? Ouch, that hurts! But wasn't it Christ that said? "Wo unto the rich, who are rich as to the things of the world. For because they are rich they despise the poor, and they persecute the meek, and their hearts are upon their treasures; wherefore, their treasure is their god. And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also."
Being Cut to the Quick is painful isn't it, but there is an easy way out. You can become offended or stuff your head in the sand (another form of self-deception). But wait, don't do that, make the hard choice. Let the guilt breach those calluses and run deep into your soul and realize that repentance is the cure for your pain. Forgiveness or success comes when humble prayers are given, the Spirit directs, and selfless service is given over and over and over again until the seeds of true Christlike love sprout and begin to grow within a loving and nearly guiltless heart. Remember, the upward spiral of sanctification and justification is the righteous pathway and is available to all who are willing to make the sacrifice of a contrite spirit and a broken heart. Remember also the words of Jacob. "O, my beloved brethren, give ear to my words. Remember the greatness of the Holy One of Israel. Do not say that I have spoken hard things against you; for if ye do, ye will revile against the truth; for I have spoken the words of your Maker. I know that the words of truth are hard against all uncleanness; but the righteous fear them not, for they love the truth and are not shaken."
Brothers and Sisters the challenge is before us. Let us remove the calluses from our consciences and let the guilt flow into pools of repentance. Let us break down that wall of pride that confines us and replace it with the bridges of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Your God and my God waits with open arms for the truly penitent, those who know their neighbor and are willing to love him. This is my testimony and my tribute to our loving Father-in-Heaven and His Son and our Savior Jesus Christ and to the Holy Ghost who is our teacher and guide.
In conclusion, I would like to pay tribute publicly to a very special person. A person, who is my beacon through troubled waters, my anchor when I might lose my way, my inspiration, my love, my everything, and incidentally also my wife, Mary. Amen.