Chapter I - The Early Years, The Logan Years, and My Spiritual Awakening
God's purposes were pretty much foreign to me for about the first 20 years of my life. I was baptized at age 9 but neither me nor my parents had any significant interest in religion. We lived in Gunnison, Utah until I was 13 and then moved to Logan, Utah so that my mother could be near my newly married sister. The purpose of this chapter is to recall my experiences as I grew to manhood in preparation for my spiritual awakening.
This story of my life is chronological but involves many flash-forwards to facilitate the expression of my philosophy--an essential element to my purpose. I recognize in these writings many great teachers that have eased my burdens and provided me with the confidence, the wisdom and the other gifts that I have acquired. As I write about the gifts I have been blessed with, the reader should recognize that my intent is not an expression of arrogance but rather an indication of how God given talents were critical to my successes in life.
The Early Years
I was born in the Salina (Sevier County, Utah) hospital on August 20th 1934. I am the third child and second son of Vivian Luthella Bown and Blain Larson. Tradition has it that my parents agreed upon Donald for my first name, but the middle name was another matter. The choices were Blain or Bown and the compromise was, thankfully, an initial only "B". My older brother Keith, ten years my senior, died in our dad's arms from complications associated with the final operation to correct a cleft palate. My only other sibling is Burdie Darlene who was born in 1929 and continued to roam the earth with her husband of 50 plus years, Richard LaBeau, until his death in 1998.
In my early years our family home was in the northern part of the tiny farm community of Gunnison, population approximately 1200 souls. Many of the names are different today, but the number incarcerated remains the same after more than 60 years. Our home was a two-story building with a rock exterior, a large lawn, a garden area, several sheds, chicken coups and a fenced area for livestock.
My very early memories are of cats (my sister had 20 or 30 of the beasts), chickens and eggs (my sister and I were forced to clean and case all the eggs produced by our numerous chickens), milking cows, feeding lambs, Christmas gifts and playing with my cousins.
CATS: My sister was an animal lover especially cats and because she had so many, there were naturally births and deaths. Being small, I was forced to participate in nurturing the kittens and in the elaborate funerals for deceased cats.
CHICKENS AND EGGS: We had what seemed like a large number of chickens and my sister and I had to gather the eggs and then use sandpaper brushes to clean off the gunk before placing the eggs in cases so they could be sold. Besides eggs, the chickens also afforded us many tasty chicken meals. When we needed chicken for our dinner, my dad would go to the coup and catch a couple of plump hens by the legs and take them outside where he rung their necks with a quick flip while holding them by the neck; then he used his boot to hold their heads while he pulled the head away from the rest of the chicken's body. Being young and impressionable, I picked up on this procedure and gained a form of innocent "revenge". Apparently, I though that the new kittens deserved a fate similar to that of the chicken hens. Fortunately my dad and not my sister caught me in the act or I wouldn't be here to tell this story. Needless to say no one has ever told my sister. Another episode with eggs occurred a year or so later. Apparently it occurred to me that if we didn't have any eggs, then we wouldn't have to clean them. Therefore, one day while gathering the eggs I decided that instead of putting them in the basket, I would chuck them against the coup walls and watch the yoke etc. run down the walls. It was great fun until the punishment phase occurred.
MILKING COWS AND FEEDING LAMBS: In my preschool years I had a great time helping my dad milk the cows. My duties were to bring the empty milk bucket and taste the fresh milk that my dad would squirt into my mouth from the cows utters. My other duty with milk was to take an old wine bottle full of milk with a nipple on it out to the fenced area to feed an orphaned lamb. I would generously allow the lamb to have a few sucks from the nipple and then it was my turn to have a hearty drink of the warm tasty beverage---a tribute to the joys of those innocent years.
CHRISTMAS GIFTS AND PLAYING WITH MY COUSINS: Christmas has always been a magical time for me. As a youngster I was very lucky because I received two gifts, one from my parents and one from my grandmother Bown (Mamo). Holidays were also special because it was then that my cousins would come to town and we would get to play together. A lot of the luster associated with these activities died with Mamo in February of 1943. On this sad occasion my sister, some cousins and I had just returned to our grandmother's house from watching Lon Chaney in the movie the Mummy to find out that Mamo had passed away---a haunting memory for many years.
According to my dad, about the time I was entering school, I was saved from a fate more horrible than death when he took "poor sickly Don from his mother's apron strings to help with the farm chores". I didn't particularly like to work but being out on the farm, having my own horse and eventually my own team of horses was not only a great experience but invaluable in teaching me responsibility. In retrospect, the greatest blessing was the opportunity to learn how to work to complete an assigned responsibility, and then to feel the satisfaction of a job well done. These opportunities and experiences were key elements in the development of my character and in the joy and satisfaction I have gleaned throughout this life.
My dad and I did nearly everything on the farm together. In every sense of the word I became his right-hand-man. We worked together successfully, but farming was not the thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My dad recognized this early on and in his way gave me some excellent advice. "You're a lazy little so you better study hard in school and become an engineer so you won't have to work." Receptive to good advice, I never forgot that council and I did study and even went beyond engineer to become a research physicist so that my employment was more like play than work. It should be noted that my dad loved to swear and as a result my mind has every swear word he knew solidly engraved in its memory bank. This makes for a real challenge to keep from blurting profanity whenever anger impulses arise. The key is to control the anger.
As the years have ticked by I have come to recognize the true importance of parental example. My delayed recognition of the impact my dad's example has had upon me was probably the result of my resentment of the discipline and work that he forced upon me. I am sad that it took me so long to appreciate his contributions and what a great teacher he was, but I am grateful that I have finally realized the positive impact his example has had upon my character.
My dad was an honest hard working individual whose word was his bond. Although endowed with a temper and a swearing tongue my dad loved animals, small children and the underprivileged. As a youngster I remember vividly his kindness to Navajos who he hired to weed our sugar beets. I remember standing in the shadows as he gave the Navajos a sheep to slaughter. I timidly watched him sit with them by the campfire, communicating with sign language, as they made blood pudding and roasted the sheep. I remember another summer when we had German war prisoners, who were housed in nearby Salina, come and weed the beets. Dad was the only farmer who had the quality of character to treat these men with respect and kindness. My dad judged others by their character and not by their station---He was truly no respecter of persons (a virtue he shares with our Savior).
My years growing up in Gunnison seemed to revolve around school and farm experiences. I have always enjoyed school and the learning process and did reasonably well especially in mathematics and related subjects. At the tender age of five I memorized the times tables. I credit this innate skill with numbers and problem solving, along with my strong competitive spirit, as the catalyst for my success in school and for my life long motivation to learn. I remember vividly the good feelings associated with my success in spelling bees and arithmetic competition. I was also an avid reader as a youngster. I enjoyed science fiction and even wrote my own space adventure at age thirteen. Love of learning has always been paramount in my life. I have always loved the sweet taste of success inherent in gaining understanding. However, it wasn't until my marriage, that I received the catalyst that motivated me to excel in subjects other than mathematics. As I have matured, I have come to realize that even the immense satisfaction that has come to me from the learning experience is dwarfed by the rewards that come through sharing my understanding with others.
As I consider my behavioral characteristics, I find that my life long experience has strong foundation in dreaming. Most things that are truly important to me have involved impossible dreams, improbable dreams and meaningful success. Illustrations of this process are my success in tennis as a youngster and my on going progress in golf. In Junior High and High School I dreamed of one day playing on the U S Davis Cup tennis team---even to the extent of playing out the matches point by point in my mind. This was clearly an impossible dream but nevertheless lead to a moderately successful high school and university tennis career. As a youngster, I remember spending the time dreaming whenever my horse and I drove the cattle to pasture and when I was involved in routine efforts such as mowing hay, weeding beets or shoveling ditches.
Part way through my seventh grade year we moved to Logan where I attended Logan Junior High School and Logan High in the winters and worked on the farm with my dad in the summers. Our summer home was a trailer and sheep camp. I slept in the sheep camp and bathed in the nearby canal. We had no electricity and no running water. An ice box was used to keep our food cool and to see after dark we used a coil oil lamp. Needless to say, these were trying times for both me and my dad.
The Logan Years
Moving to Logan was a dream come true for me. I missed many of my friends but I soon made new friends and Logan was like paradise when compared to Gunnison.
My Spiritual Awakening
I'm not sure of the exact year but I was probably 20 and attending a chemistry lab a Utah State University. Me and a couple of my class mates were discussing the subject of a God and were coming to the conclusion that there was no need for a God. A wise Chemistry professor, Sherwin Maeser, was listening to our ill informed discussion and decided to challenge our conclusion. He knew I was taking a course in probability theory and asked "what I thought the probability of creating a single amino acid might be". As I contemplated the odds of creating this simple building block of life my attitude about God took a miraculous and memorable reversal. It was an inspired Sherwin Maeser who caused my spiritual awakening. This was the early ground work to the testimony I currently have of our God and His mission as expressed in the following paper that I recently wrote and presented to a friend who has also concluded that there is no God.
There is a God
The purpose of this paper is to explain why there is a God using an argument based upon three important postulates. My goal is to justify all of the tragedy, misery and evil that plagues this world as being part of God's plan for His children consistent with the laws that govern the Universe and the requirement that He be a just God.
My belief in God began many years ago when a chemistry professor, using probability theory, convinced me that there had to be a God who creates the life forms that occupy this earth. Subsequently, I have realized that all things testify that there is a God. Most of this understanding is a result of faith and the promptings I receive from my conscience (which is the Light of Christ) and from the Holy Ghost.
In the Bible and other scriptures we are told that (1) God is perfectly loving, (2) God is all powerful, (3) God is the creator of all things and (4) God knows the beginning to the end. If we were to only consider these four attributes, one could logically pose the following question: Why would an all powerful and an all knowing God allow the children He created to suffer the tragedy, misery and evils that plague this world? And then conclude that there is no God because a loving God would not allow such suffering.
To resolve this contradiction requires some additional insight into God's goals and His limitations based upon eternal laws.
God's love is reflected in His desire for His children to achieve spiritual and moral oneness with Him and in the process to receive a fullness of joy. He wants His children to become like Him by successfully overcoming the obstacles they face in mortality.
The limitations placed upon an all powerful and all knowing God are embodied in the following postulates. (1) Each of God's children are co-eternal with Him, which means that the intelligence or mind of man can neither be created nor destroyed. (2) Matter/energy is eternal; it can be organized but cannot be created or destroyed. And (3) there are fundamental principles that are eternal and the two that are key to this discussion are (a) opposition in all things and (b) moral freedom or agency. God's children are free to obey His commandments and live righteously or to disobey and subject themselves to evil and the eventual punishment that comes from a just God.
When man enters mortality his spirit or intelligence enters a body that God has organized out of matter and that is subject to pain, suffering and is faced with opposition in all things. God's children enter mortality as immature self-centered individuals who are tested to see if they can follow the path of moral righteousness and join God in a state of exaltation. Moral righteousness requires that man obey God's commandments most of which are contained in the Ten Commandments given to Moses. It would be a very different world if all of God's children choose to obey those Ten Commandments.
The journey through mortality, because of opposition in all things and moral freedom, will result in wrong choices and moral evil or disobedience to God's commandments. Because wrong choices are inevitable for everyone, God provided a Redeemer, His perfectly obedient son Jesus Christ. Christ's atonement and resurrection provides God's children the opportunity to overcome sin or evil through repentance and to overcome death through their own resurrection. Christ suffered the sins of the world and thereby satisfied the justice required of a just God for those who would repent with real intent.
Based upon the preceding discussion, the following two paragraphs are my attempt to explain why God allows the wickedness and the natural disaster that plague this world.
The pervasive wickedness that exists in this country and throughout the world is a direct result of the exercise of God's greatest gift, the gift of agency. A seemingly logical question is: Why does not God interfere? The answer is that God cannot restrict man's agency or He will destroy that agency in the process. God cannot violate the eternal principles or laws that govern the Universe.
The death and misery caused by natural disasters is more difficult to justify. One possible explanation follows: God organized this earth and designed it for the use of and testing of man. The natural processes that occur are a result of that design. Natural disasters are part of these processes. God can interfere with any of these processes and according to scripture has in the past and may in the future. God interferes to create a disaster when the voice of the people choose iniquity or to warn and/or protect a righteous group of people. However, my experience suggests that He seldom interferes, since natural disasters, I believe, are designed to test man and often seem to bring out the good in people. God's justice dictates that those who are killed in these natural disasters will meet their maker and both the righteous and the wicked will receive their just reward.
God lives and His hope for us is the same as ours. That hope is that we will exercise our agency to choose good over evil and thereby return to live with Him in glory and eternal happiness. Generally speaking, mortal life is good and this is so because of family and friends who willingly share their goodness and their love.