Prologue
Part I
Man is that he might have joy. The paradox is that that joy is not a gift nor a guarantee but must be earned by conquering the natural man.
God's desire is that each of His children share His wisdom and His joy by becoming as He is by achieving exaltation in the Kingdom of Heaven.
As spirit children of our Father in Heaven we must first enter mortality immature and somewhat prideful. Armed with the gift of agency and facing opposition in all things coupled with Satan's influence, we are predisposed to make wrong choices. To compensate for these inevitable mistakes God provides us with a Savior, our Redeemer and eldest brother Jesus Christ. Christ atoned for our sins based upon our repentance and obedience to God's will. The mortal man, or natural man, is an enemy to God because of the weakness of the flesh when subjected to Satan's deceptions. Sincere repentance of wrong choices carried out over a lifetime of spiritual growth, coupled with the grace of a loving Father in Heaven, will produce the joy and exaltation that is the reward of conquering the natural man and in the process we can realize the unfathomable blessing of becoming joint heirs with our eldest brother Christ in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Part II
From the Book Of Isaiah Chapter 1 we read the vision of Isaiah the son of Amoz which he beheld concerning Judea and Jerusalem during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah: The interesting thing about Isaiah's writings is, that like all scripture, we can liken it unto ourselves. The first chapter is basically a summary of the message contained in the other 65 chapters. After I quote the new translation by Avraham Gileadi, I will proceed to liken that message to my own life. The chapters of my Book of Life that follow this prologue will provide the detailed account of my efforts to conquer the natural man.
Isaiah 1
2 Hear, O heavens! Give heed, O earth! The Lord has spoken: I have reared sons, brought them up, but they have revolted against me.
3 The ox knows its owner, the its master's stall, but Israel does not know; my people are insensible.
4 Alas, a nation astray, a people weighed down by sin, the offspring of wrongdoers, perverse children: they have forsaken the Lord, they have spurned the Holy One of Israel, they have lapsed into apostasy.
5 Why be smitten further by adding to your waywardness? The whole head is sick, the whole heart diseased.
6 From the soles of the feet even to the head there is nothing sound, only wounds and bruises and festering sores; they have not been pressed out or bound up, nor soothed with ointment.
7 Your land is ruined, your cities burned with fire; your native soil is devoured by aliens in your presence, laid waste at its takeover by foreigners.
8 The Daughter of Zion is left like a shelter in a vineyard, a hut in a melon field, a city under siege.
9 Had not the Lord of Hosts left us a few survivors, we would have been as Sodom, or become like Gomorrah.
10 Hear the word of the Lord, O leaders of Sodom; five heed to the law of our God, you people of Gomorrah!
11 For what purpose are your abundant sacrifices to me? Says the Lord. I have had my fill of offerings of rams and fat of fatted beasts; the blood of bulls and sheep and he-goats I do not want.
12 When you come to see me, who requires you to trample my courts so?
13 Bring no more worthless offerings; they are as a loathsome incense to me. As for convening meetings at the New Month and on the Sabbath, wickedness with the solemn gathering I cannot approve.
14 Your monthly and regular meetings my soul detests. They have become a burden on me; I am weary of putting up with them.
15 When you spread forth your hands, I will conceal my eyes from you; though you pray at length, I will not hear-your hands are filled with blood.
16 Wash yourselves clean: remove your wicked deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil.
17 Learn to do good: demand justice, stand up for the oppressed; plead the cause of the fatherless, appeal on behalf of the widow.
18 Come now, let us put it to the test says the Lord: though your sins are as scarlet, they can be made white as snow; though they have reddened as crimson, they may become white as wool.
19 If you are willing and obey, you shall eat the good of the land.
20 But if you are unwilling and disobey, you shall be eaten by the sword. By his mouth the Lord has spoken it.
21 How the faithful city has become a harlot! She was filled with justice righteousness made its abode in her but now murderers.
22 Your silver has become dross, your wine diluted with water.
23 Your rulers are renegades, accomplices of robbers: with one accord they love bribes and run after rewards; they do not dispense justice to the fatherless, nor does the widow's case come before them.
24 Therefore the Lord, the Lord of Hosts, the Valiant One of Israel, declares, Woe to them! I will relieve me of my adversaries, avenge me of my enemies.
25 I will restore my hand over you and smelt away your dross as in a crucible, and remove all your alloy.
26 I will restore you judges as at the first, and your counselors as in the beginning. After this you shall be called the City of Righteousness, a faithful city.
27 For Zion shall be ransomed by justice, those of her who repent by righteousness.
28 But criminals and sinners shall be altogether shattered when those who forsake the Lord are annihilated.
29 And you will be ashamed of the oaks you cherished and blush for the parks you were fond of;
30 you shall become like an oak whose leaves wither, and a garden that has no water.
31 The mighty shall be as refuse, their works a spark; both shall burn up alike, and there shall be none to extinguish.
My Spiritual Journey
The message I receive from Isaiah Chapter 1 is somewhat scary because it seems to correlate very well with my perception of my sometimes entertaining and many times embarrassing journey through mortality. In this prologue, I have divided the spiritual aspect of my journey through mortality into five phases. These phases are 1) indifference, 2) apostasy, 3) repentance and change of heart, 4) the discovery of an attitude problem, and 5) an eternal focus.
Indifference
I was baptized a member of the LDS church when I was nine years old. I vaguely remember attending a primary activity but I can't recall ever attending church meetings while living in Gunnison. Obviously my parents, though baptized members, never attended church. (Isaiah 1:2-4)
This religion void continued when I moved to Logan at age thirteen, except for periodic attendance in order to play church basketball. I also attended the Presbyterian church a couple of times with a friend. I do recall that I was unimpressed with the Presbyterians, because there didn't seem to be any restrictions or rules on moral behavior.
My personal behavior was fairly mellow until my LDS friends introduced me to alcohol my senior year in high school. After starting my college carrier, I added cigarettes to my list of vices, but my abuses were fairly mild.
My next encounter with religious matters occurred when I was about 20. In a chemistry lab two or three of us were discussing the necessity of a God and had come to the conclusion that a God was not necessary. At that point a wise professor named Sherwin Maeser came to my rescue. He asked me if I thought it was possible to create an amino acid from a probability point of view. From that point on I believed there was a God, but I still didn't feel a need to investigate the purposes of life and God's role.
I met Mary Douglas after returning from ROTC summer camp my junior year. Our first date was a blind date, but we continued to date and by December we were engaged and then married in Las Vegas. A year later we had our first child. That same year we entered military active duty at Ft. Bliss, Texas. This was an opportunity for a second honeymoon and it was there that Mary convinced me to give up smoking. I also, for some unknown reason, started reading the Book of Mormon and we started attending church now and again. Having a family seemed to have introduced a new desire. Perhaps a desire to understand the source of this love that had entered my life. After six months in the military service it was back to school and religion once again took a back seat as I worked on my masters degree in chemistry.
Two years later with three kids in tow Mary and I began our work on a PhD in Physics at BYU. Our neighbors in married student housing were relentless in trying to convert us. I continued to read the Book of Mormon and began to seek insights from our instructors. However, I had no interest in seeking insight through prayer. My last year at BYU began with another more serious religious encounter. There was a shortage of math instructors, so they wanted me to teach math as a full time instructor. In order to do this, I had to be interviewed by a member of the Twelve, namely Howard W. Hunter. Having no priesthood, it was determined that I would need to be ordained an Elder. I wanted the teaching job, so I consented. This was a record conversion, perhaps 30 minutes. Needless to say I tried, but conviction was in short supply. Nevertheless, that was a good year for our family as I finished my degree, accepted employment at LLNL in Livermore CA, and returned to BYU to walk in the summer commencement exercises. There were good feelings, a bit of a testimony, but limited conversion to the Gospel.
Once in Livermore our attendance at church was spotty and I continued to drink my beer. It wasn't long before our family was complete with four sons and two daughters. Our friends kept pestering us to become more serious about religion. But my conversion was in limbo. (Isaiah 1:5-7)
It was in the 1970s that another peculiar event occurred. Because of my great love for learning, I decided to start taking religion classes offered by BYU through Independent Study. This rekindled my testimony, but my conversion was blocked by my word of wisdom problem, lack of prayer, and the absence of the Holy Ghost.
Apostasy
In 1975, Mary and I were convinced by well meaning friends to take out our endowments, have a temple marriage, and have our family sealed to us in the Oakland temple. We did that 20 years to the day after our first marriage in Las Vegas. Things went well for a while , but I soon reverted to a serious state of apostasy. My apostate state brought a cloud of darkness to me and to everything I touched; even my work suffered as I was plagued with guilt. Guilt became so severe that I did not like anyone; including family, friends, and even myself. Wickedness never was happiness. (Isaiah 1: 8-15)
Repentance And A Change of Heart
Fortunately, the opportunity to reverse my spiral into despair occurred when I negotiated a sabbatical to Queensland University in Brisbane, Australia. As I flew to Australia in January of 1982, I committed to pray with real intent for my Father in Heaven's help in overcoming my problems. I promised to pray each day for forgiveness and for guidance. It took only a few days to recognize that a mayor change had occurred. Perhaps the most impressive and certainly the most important example of this change occurred as I was reading the Book of Mormon. After reading a chapter or two I paused and reflected upon this great book. As I reflected the Holy Ghost bore witness that this book was in fact the word of God. My testimony of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ was born and my true conversion was underway. The change that occurred was that a loving Father in Heaven had seen fit to answer my sincere prayers and reward my faith with the companionship of the Holy Ghost. (Isaiah 1:16-19)
With the help of the Holy Ghost spiritual growth accelerated. Upon returning from Australia, Mary and I were asked to speak in church. In my comments I mentioned that I was amazed how much the members of the congregation had change for the better. For me that change was real because it was a reflection of my new perception.
The Discovery of An Attitude Problem
The next significant event in my conversion was a call to the Bishopric. The service required, provided the opportunity to focus on the welfare of others. However, my perception of my progress was severely jolted as I listened to President Benson's talk on pride. It was this talk that convinced me that I had a problem with pride and motivated me to do something about it. Dealing with pride has been a difficult struggle, but recognition that I have a problem has kept me on the strait and narrow path. (Isaiah 1:20-25)
An Eternal Focus
The conversion process moved slowly until the mortal death of my sweetheart Mary. Not long after her death I sat down and wrote our love story entitled the Power of Love. The words flowed as if by magic. After reading what I had written it was clear that it was inspired. The message was, that there exist a special bond of love between the two of us and I wanted that love to continue eternally. In other words my hope was for exaltation and an eternal marriage with Mary. I am convinced that she has qualified so its up to me. From that point of realization to the present time my focus has been and is on qualifying to join Mary in an eternal marriage. (Isaiah 24-27)
My efforts are directed at overcoming the natural man. Pride is a major obstacle, but I am learning to reach out to others. This is not always easy, but I had a great teacher as I recall the actions of my sweetheart Mary. When I decided that she had qualified for exaltation and after examined the reason, it was because she had the gift of charity; she by nature loved her fellowmen. To realize our goal of being joint heirs with Jesus Christ in our Father in Heavens Kingdom will, on my part, require constant vigilance in avoiding Satan's traps. If I am to keep on that strait and narrow path, I must acquire the spiritual virtues of faith, hope, and charity and I must have a prayer in my heart at all times in order to keep the communication channels open to personal revelation and thereby gain light and truth and the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.
Isaiah 1 concludes with a warning from the Lord in versus 28-31, that enduring to the end is a required behavior. Our conversion must continue, we must embrace righteousness, and be filled with the living water as our mortal life draws to a close. Perfection is Christ's goal for each one of his brothers and sisters. Being as perfect as we can be in this life will qualify us for our hope of exaltation.
In conclusion, I seek to be a person of integrity, hard work, deep spirituality, full of love for others, and beloved of all. An impossible dream, perhaps, but one to work towards as I maintain an eternal focus.